Minions

Dustin: 3 of 5 stars Nick: 3 of 5 stars Average: 3 of 5 stars (Woozy canary)

Dustin: Minions is the much-anticipated prequel to Despicable Me. Forty-two years before the bizarre yellow creatures began working for Gru (evil Michael Scott), three of their kind--Kevin, Stuart and Bob--embarked on a mission to find the most evil villain on earth to offer their species’s services.

Nick: Minions is a difficult film to not like and one that at some times is hard to enjoy. The film is like a hit pop song; cute and catchy with the vaguest possible lyrics so anyone can feel something. Kids will be its biggest fans, unless of course you are like my brother and find the Minions irresistibly cute.

Dustin: This movie is strictly for kids. While I enjoyed the oldies rock soundtrack, there wasn’t much holding my attention, other than some of the gags (the best of which are front-loaded). I took my 2-year-old to see this. She has never seen the Despicable Me films, pretty much only watches PBS, but she somehow knows the names of these fucking things. Definitely a statement about how well this was marketed to children.

My favorite part of the film was the first act, involving the history of the Minions (narrated by Geoffrey Rush). We follow them through the ages, from primordial goop, to the Jurassic period, to Ancient Egypt, Napoleonic France to modern-day America. Napoleon banished the Minions to Antarctica, where they could thankfully sit out serving the Nazis.

The rest of the story gradually grows tiring. The Minions fall in with Michael Keaton’s family as they road trip to a villain convention in Orlando. The Minions’ goal is to team up with Scarlett Overkill (Sandra Bullock), the most evil villain on earth. Given this was set during the same period Stalin and Pol Pot were active, Overkill was a rather bland villain, and didn’t do much more than talk in a raised voice.

Nick: I rather enjoyed the small amount of time with Keaton’s family, but you’re right with the opening montage of the Minions’ history being the best part of the film. Once Overkill is introduced, the film takes a turn for the worse. Her evil plan is steal the English Queen’s crown! Which once put on you become the Queen, I guess… Which is funny because she is a celebratorial monarch who holds very little power, so the most desirable evil person in the film wants little power and gets easily bested by Minions at the end… sigh.

Dustin: Did you think this movie may have been too violent for younger children?

Nick: I never thought there was much violence, but I also don’t have a kid, so I don’t think of these kinds of things! But we did grow up with Looney Tunes, and that is considered to be the most violent kid’s cartoon ever produced

Dustin: I was a little uncomfortable when Overkill was going to blow up one of the Minions with dynamite, and when they were being tortured (including by hanging) by her husband, Herb. I was worried what my daughter might be thinking. But then, like you mentioned, I remembered the Looney Tunes cartoons from my childhood, and thought, This is pretty tame by comparison. Then I actually liked applauded Minions for including some Looney Tunes-level violence, because kids’ shows today are so bland and boring.

My daughter watches the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, which is crappy CGI and no personality. Donald Duck never gets mad, Pete is no longer a bad guy--he just has a gruff voice. Goofy is only somewhat clumsy. They can’t take a chance to scare or offend any children (or, more likely, their parents). Also on Curious George, if George so much as mildly misbehaves (which getting into trouble was the point of the character), they take pains at the end of each episode to stress, “George is a monkey, so sometimes he does things we CAN’T do.” In light of that, Minions was like a breath of fresh air.

Nick: Curious George < Minions < Inside Out… at least in the mind of a mature adult, I hope.

The funniest parts in the movie were ALL in the trailer! The opening montage and when Overkill has her husband torture the Minions. I watch many movies (plus TV, Hulu) and the Minions trailer played in front of most of these films, and it irks me the two parts that would have given me the most joy were taken away from me by seeing them more than 100 times on all platforms!

Dustin: As we write this, my daughter just came home with her mom from the grocery store with a Minions toy from a cereal box.

Nick: Animated films rely on merchandising as much as box office. I wonder how many Minions toys have been purchased in the past week and how many landfills they will occupy in the future!

Dustin: Minions was a somewhat enjoyable, but overall rather insipid animated film. Actually, that’s pretty much how I felt about every film in this series.