The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies

Dustin: 3.5 of 5 stars Nick: 3.5 of 5 stars Average: 3.5 of 5 stars (Live canary)

Dustin: The Lord of the Rings, Part 6: The Hobbit, Part 3: The Battle of the Five Armies is the last film in the Middle Earth series until Warner Bros figures out how to stretch a trilogy out of the appendices in LOTR. It rounds out the adventure of Bilbo Baggins while giving the character very little screen time.

Nick: Bilbo was rarely seen and even more rarely heard. Though it was funny whenever he was shown in battle he was just holding his sword around many enemies, but I don’t think he ever in a fight. Do you recall him swinging his sword?

Dustin: He threw some rocks and took out a bunch of orcs. It was hard to suspend disbelief whenever Bilbo was fighting. While he did become a stronger hobbit during his adventures, I don’t think him throwing rocks at monsters twice his size would accomplish anything more than pissing them off. It would be more believable if he just put on the ring and then went around slitting orcs’ throats.

Nick: Most of the film is one large battle. I never thought I’d say the fight scenes directed by Peter Jackson in a film placed in Middle Earth were not well done. I feel wrong just saying that, but so many times there would be shots of a character with some melancholic music playing as if that character had no shot while an impossible number of orcs are shown walking up, and yet 15 minutes later that character is still alive and all the orcs are dead. This happened frequently and left me very bemused.

Dustin: Yeah, the characters got out of impossible situations a little too easily. Remember in The Fellowship of the Ring how much it took to kill one troll? Here, they shoot down trolls with no difficulty. The special effects were also not quite as well done. The armies moved in a little too perfect formation, so it looked fake. I wouldn’t say it was Phantom Menace fake, but certainly not as good as The Two Towers.

Nick: Not only do the battle scenes wrap up with ease for our heroes, so do the mental battles for characters like Thorin. His turn around was out of nowhere. One minute he’s selfish, and the next he looks inside himself and is unselfish. What was his sickness? The Dragon’s ----?

Dustin: By far the most intriguing element of this movie was Thorin bogarting all the gold for himself. But I agree this psychological battle was resolved a little too easily. He does about one minute of soul searching, then does a 180 and becomes the hero again. I might have liked it better if he waited until he was finally pushed into a corner before he started fighting, and not having his turnaround until he was mortally wounded. Boromir’s character arc in FOTR was better done.

Nick: My favorite scene was the battle between Cate Blanchett, Hugo Weaving and Christopher Lee against the ghostly kings while they are protecting Ian McKellen (Gandalf--I know this name!). It’s enjoyable because you see the differences in fighting between an Elf King, a Wizard and I’m not sure what exactly Blanchett is, but I’m going with Elf Goddess? It’s up there in the best fight scenes of the year for me.

Dustin: I actually thought that scene was kind of pointless. It felt shoehorned in to give Christopher Lee and Co an excuse to be in The Hobbit. I also have trouble with the suspension of disbelief when the old wizards are fighting. Yes, I know they have magical powers, but it seems to me their strength isn’t in physical combat.

Nick: You’re completely right, but since the whole series feels shoehorned then I don’t mind one fantastically done battle within the already pointless three-film version of a 300-page book.  

Dustin: The special effects in the scene were amazing, as they were throughout most of the movie. My complaints about the effects are really just nitpicky. All the films are spectacularly done from a technical standpoint. It’s just that they tried to take a simple story and make it as epic, if not more so, than LOTR. After I saw the first installment, I wasn’t very satisfied with the elements from outside the book, but I kept an open mind. I was willing to forgive the bloated nature of the scenes if they rounded them out well in the final installment. But I stand by my original criticism. This really should have been one movie directed by Guillermo del Toro.

Nick: Del Toro still stayed on as a writer/producer. But you’re correct. The first film is my least favorite, while the second one is slightly better than this last one. Though I think the first scene in Battle of Five Armies should’ve been the last scene of whatever the second movie was called… wait… Desolation of Smaug… it came to me.

Dustin: Peter Jackson initially said the reason he didn’t want to direct The Hobbit is because he didn’t want to compete with himself having already done LOTR. The argument didn’t make a lot of sense to me, but I think it sort of informs one about what went wrong with these movies. He was trying to outdo himself with much lighter material. Del Toro might not have taken that approach. Jackson is a great director, but del Toro probably would’ve been able to show more restraint in this project. I think there is a five-star movie inside these three 3½-star movies. They just need to be trimmed down.

Nick: Actually, Jackson was frozen out of doing the movie because he was suing Miramax for funds he never received from The Lord of the Rings trilogy. So they originally hired Del Toro, but the process was taking too long, so Del Toro dropped out, and the lawsuit with Jackson was settled, and then they let him direct the film. This was like an on-going battle that lasted five years and was almost more intense than anything that happened in these films.

Dustin: Perhaps they should make a trilogy out of that.

Nick: The films are good, but they don’t even come into consciousness when compared to the Lord of the Rings trilogy. All of the events, whether mental or physical, are wrapped up with such ease it’s mind boggling why three films were needed to lead to that simplistic outcome. Sigh...

Top Five

Dustin: 3 of 5 stars Nick: 2.5 of 5 stars Average: 2.75 of 5 stars (Woozy canary)

Dustin: Top Five stars Chris Rock as a thinly veiled Chris Rock named Andre Allen. It’s a Day-in-the-Life drama misbilled as a comedy in which Andre is shadowed by a New York Times journalist doing a piece on him as he’s preparing for the release of a new movie and an upcoming tabloid wedding. It also has cameos from all of Chris Rock’s friends.

Nick: Top Five is for people who wanted Funny People to be more of a romantic comedy cliche. The first half of the film has many good qualities, and the cliches are just floating around the screen, but have not becoming active yet. Though, sadly, the last half of the movie was cliche after cliche.

Dustin: I haven’t seen Funny People, but I somehow got the idea it was similar to this movie. I knew it was about a comedian who’s lost his roots and going through a midlife crisis.

I’m a little puzzled by the high rating this movie has on Rotten Tomatoes (90 percent as of this writing). The ads claim, “This is the funniest Chris Rock has been in years!” I was expecting a return to form for Chris Rock. His first two HBO comedy specials were probably the two funniest things ever made. His third comedy special was a bit bland and seemed to be an indication of where his career was heading. This movie starts with Chris Rock apparently practicing a routine on Rosario Dawson’s character. We don’t know what’s going on yet. The jokes fall flat. We learn she’s interviewing him, so perhaps he’s putting up an act while the real Chris Rock, I mean, Andre Allen, is still in a shell. Either way, the movie is never as funny as it should be, and the first scene is an indication of how many jokes would fall flat throughout the movie. I kept waiting for it to get funny. While there were funny moments, I think this deserved to be sold as a drama rather than a comedy.

Nick: I wouldn’t bill it as a drama, but only because all the dramatic moments in the films are the cliched ones. Chris Rock is an alcoholic who has been sober for 4 years, he’s getting married to a vapid reality star who’s having their wedding filmed for TV, Rosario Dawson is constantly texting an aloof boyfriend, and Rock stumbles across an old man on the street who keeps calling him “Hollywood” and then asks for money, and Dawson asks who he is and--gasp!--“It’s my father!” No way any of these situations are going to be changed around the climax for our characters to attain some catharsis.  

Dustin: The cliches didn’t bother me so much. I think the nonlinear storyline helped mask them a bit. It was obvious to me Rock would end up with Dawson fairly early on. The fact it is so predictable, the feeling we’ve seen this before, is an indication of being a cliche. My main complaint was just this movie just wasn’t that funny given all the talent behind it. It worked better as a study of a celebrity who’s lost touch with his roots and is now just going through the motions.

Nick: The cliches only bothered me because they are all introduced in the first act and are left there until the climax to where they’re ALL brought into fruition. I would have liked this movie more if it kept it more static and unfulfilled. The reality star is so over-the-top we know from the beginning it’s not going to work out. Rock spends the whole movie with Dawson, which spans one day, and he already knows she’s a better option. Wouldn’t his character have dated someone like the reality star when he was an alcoholic and someone like Dawson when he was getting clean because of course she is four years sober as well. So Rock had been with the reality star for more than four years and he decides to leave her the day before the wedding because she is freaking out a little. And all for a woman who, spoiler, ends up being his the very critic who bashed all his films.

Dustin: There were funny moments in the movie. My favorite part was probably the sequence with Cedric the Entertainer as a sleazy event promoter which leads to an awkward foursome including Rock, Entertainer and two hos. There were also funny cameos by Adam Sandler, Jerry Seinfeld and (surprisingly) DMX singing Charlie Chaplin’s “Smile!”.

Nick: DMX!!!!!!

My favorite scene was when we see what Rosario Dawson’s boyfriend is interested in sexually. Call him the Knuckler!

Dustin: Who are your top five?

Nick: 1. Q-Tip
       2. Kanye
       3. Run The Jewels (El-P, Killer Mike)
       4. Eric B & Rakim
       5. Wu-Tang Clan

You?

Dustin: 1. Will Smith

2. Vanilla Ice

3. Eminem

4. The rapping granny from Wedding Singer

5. That "apple bottom jeans" song from a few years ago

Whiplash

Dustin: 4.5 of 5 stars Nick: 5 of 5 stars Average: 4.75 of 5 stars (Tweety canary)

Dustin: Whiplash is a movie about how obsessively people can push themselves to succeed and asks whether there’s a line. The film stars Miles Teller as a conservatory student and J.K. Simmons as a psychotic teacher who uses abuse to push students to their limits.

Nick: The movie somehow manages to be the best thriller and best romantic comedy of the year. Romance coming from the love between a man and his instrument while humor spewing through J.K. Simmons’s performance. I obviously laughed through most of the abuse, though the film was still very tense and engaging.

Dustin: Teller’s and Simmons’s performances were what made this film. While it was well-crafted, the characters could have easily turned into trite cliches in lesser hands. Teller mixes awkwardness with surety in a way we believe his character. Simmons plays his character as something of a drill sergeant. He is like an American Gordon Ramsay. He naturally has a certain depth in his eyes that makes you believe there’s more to his character than his actions.

Nick: I was about to be upset when you said it was their performances that made this film, but you followed it up nicely. The film was so expertly crafted. The editing and cinematography is outstanding and engrosses me as much as either of the actors. But you’re right in the sense that with two lesser actors the film would certainly have been ruined. Simmons should get every part where he gets to be an asshole. This almost makes me want to check out his failed TV series where he plays a blind father and the humor is drawn from his being blind… hysterical.

Dustin: We both praised Teller earlier in our review of Divergent. I thought his performance almost saved the dismal and depressing *ahem* comedy 21 & Over. I recognized his talent before and have been waiting for a movie that was good enough for him. I went into this movie knowing nothing about it, and was excited when it opened and the camera moves slowly down a hall and into a studio where Teller is pounding away on a drum kit. I had high hopes, and this movie delivered.

Nick: Well I told you about The Spectacular Now in our review of Divergent, which is a film that made me recognize him and was also one of my favorite films of 2013. One question… is Teller involved somehow in a car crash in 21 & Over? For some reasons there always seems to be a random car crash in his films.

Dustin: I don’t remember. But it seems like there was a lot of drinking and driving around in 21 & Over, so there should have been. I didn’t see The Spectacular Now, but I remember you mentioned he played something of a jerk in it, as he had in 21 & Over and Divergent. Here he is playing a distinctly different role and was still very good, so he’s definitely not a one-trick pony. He reminds me of a young, much taller Dustin Hoffman.

Nick: I read today people think of him as a better acting version of Vince Vaughn, which I’d have to agree. He always plays a jerk who has some redeeming qualities, but that no one can see until later into the movie. Teller plays the same role here as in The Spectacular Now. I don’t mean that as a negative. He plays selfish teenagers who sees love as in object that gets in the way of whatever his goal may be. Nobody seems to get him in this movie because he is so shut off and focused on drumming he comes off as an asshole to everyone at some point or another.

Dustin: You mentioned the love element, and that’s my one and only criticism of this movie. I didn’t buy the romantic subplot at all. He asks out the cute girl who works at the movie theater, who he’d never had the confidence to talk to before. He’s visibly nervous (which tends to make women nervous as well), and she doesn’t even know his name. There was no rapport before. I had a hard time believing she would go on a date with him. Then, after a boring date at a pizza parlour, we see she likes him because she touches her foot against his. They break up at the next date. I realize the subplot was a device to show how he’s sacrificing everything for his drumming, but even as a device, it shouldn’t have been handled so lazily.

Nick: I thought it was handled well enough. She seems to be alone in a new city, and this cute boy who she has come into contact with many of times finally has the courage to ask her out. I agree if it was his first time ever talking to her and he was visibly nervous she would have definitely said no, but they do have some sort of rapport. They feel after talking they’re both family minded in the sense she feels homesick and he still goes to see movies with his dad all the time. I like that what is normally the subject (romance) is given the sub-plot and the object (drums) becomes the plot. In a different movie we would have seen him realize his drumming obsession and his need to please his professor as very unhealthy and he would have ended putting the drums away and ending up with the girl.  

Dustin: They might have had a passing rapport, but there was no indication she might have been interested in him. In one scene, he is entering the theater, and he turns around to get another look at her. She’s just staring ahead and doesn’t even notice him. It might have been more believable if they just got rid of the boy-meets-girl scene and started with them as a couple that had been together for a few months. Teller seeming nervous when he asked her out didn’t add anything to the character we couldn’t already infer about him (again, thanks to the strength of his performance).

Nick: But it wasn’t a boy-meets-girl scene--they had met many times before. I understand what you are saying, but saying it’s unrealistic is silly. I once knew a girl who said yes to anybody who would ask her out if she was single, because to her you never know, and first impressions can sometimes be happenstance. I find it believable this teenage girl in a new city, at a school where she has no idea of what she wants to major in, meets a cute awkward boy and is like sure lets go get some pizza. I like that it doesn’t get a lot of screen time either and it just jumps to when they break up since it’s the subplot, although it makes the subplot feel somewhat pointless, but I think that’s the jarring effect of taking something one is used to and flipping it upside down.

Dustin: Was that really Teller playing the drums?

Nick: Judging from the editing my assumption would be no, but he might have learned a little and played the easy things, but when the drumming gets intense the cuts are mostly of Teller’s face, or a POV shot from behind the drum set.

Dustin: I just looked it up. He wasn’t playing. He was acting!

Nick: ACTING!

I just think Teller likes to bleed.  He has an obsession with bleeding.  In every movie he bleeds a lot of his own blood.

Dustin: He certainly put his sweat and blood into this role. The final confrontation where he plays the drums and defies Simmons’s character is more satisfying than any “epic battle” Hollywood has thrown at us in recent years.

Nick: Woah Woah Woah... What about that one in TransFormers 4: Add subtitle here, where this one robot is fighting another robot and there’s clanking and stuff and ol’ Mark Wahlberg is running around and more stuff? That was pretttttty good.

Dustin: You mean Trans4mers? Sadly, I don’t remember much about that movie except Mark Wahlberg and robot dinosaur action figure. But we digress.

Nick: The syncopation between the music and the editing/cinematography is so stellar especially in that climactic scene. Whenever the horns blow, there they are, and then drum solo BAM there’s young’n Teller slappin’ them cowhides and whenever Old Man Simmons waves his hands dramatically you know its all about to go down.

Dustin: In conclusion, go see Whiplash while it is still in your art house theaters!

The Hunger Games: Mockingjay - Part 1

Dustin: 3.5 of 5 stars Nick: 2 of 5 stars Average: 2.75 of 5 stars (Woozy Canary)

Dustin: The new Hunger Games movie doesn’t actually feature any Hunger Games. This is a welcome direction for the series, as the second movie had a “here we go again!” feeling. This time around, survivors of the Hunger Games join the Rebel Alliance in District B13 to overthrow the Big Brother government oppressing the world.

Nick: I normally disagree with Matt Zoller Seitz, from rogerebert.com, he basically wrote my review of Mockingjay Part 1. The only part I disagree with is when he cites Harry Potter as another book that needlessly became two movies. The Mockingjay book is under 400 pages, while Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows is more than 750. One of these is a more obvious cash grab… The films lacks action. It keeps promising action, but when we get to the scene it’s either after all the action or we follow Katniss who is nowhere near the action.  

Dustin: I actually thought this movie was better than Deathly Hallows: Part 1 (my least favorite of the Harry Potter films). Both seemed like half a book stretched out to a movie. The first act of Mockingjay, especially, was slow and should have been trimmed. I haven’t read any of the Hunger Games books, but for the most part, it seemed like there was enough story here to make two movies. But I’ll reserve judgement on that until I see Part 2. Having said that, I thought Deathly Hallows: Part 2 was the best of the Harry Potter movies, so I sort of forgave them for splitting the book in half.

Nick: I agree that Deathly Hallows: Part 1 was the worst in the HP series, and this film isn’t the worst in its own series, but I still like DHp1 more because the HP films actually had me caring about its characters enough to follow them through that very boring movie. While MJp1 was long and boring while following characters who never grow enough in order for me to care.

Dustin: There was actually a guy a few seats to my left who fell asleep. I imagine he just brought his daughters and then mentally checked out. Other than the first act, I didn’t think this movie dragged too much. Some scenes with the cat could have been cut, as well as the portions of Katnip Evergreen becoming the Mockingjay for the Rebel Alliance’s PR campaign. Overall, I found it suspenseful, and I enjoyed the scenes with the Storm Troopers.

Nick: Please stop the Star Wars analogies! The male characters in the love triangle might be the blandest options in love triangle history, and yes, I’m including the constantly awful Twilight. The characters just are bounce cards for Katniss, and when the characters are on screen all they do is look at Katniss while smouldering. Is she the only available woman of that age group? Because, damn, there are slightly more pressing issues going on!

Dustin: Agreed. The love triangle subplot, which I believe we also complained about with the last movie, seems like it was included as part of a formula. I can’t really describe the Liam Hemsworth character without only mentioning his appearance. Any character could have accomplished his basic part in the story without the inclusion of the love triangle.

Nick: I’d argue the love triangle is only a subplot since more time is given to it than the “plot.”

As you mentioned in the intro, I as well enjoyed the break from the Hunger Games, but it makes me wish they’d have started that with the second film instead of having us watch two Hunger Games, which was pretty pointless. I really enjoy Donald Sutherland as President Snow, but in saying that, his character is very much like every bad guy who thinks they have the upperhand. He barely gets any screentime to grow his character, but what he does with it is exceptional. I like the idea of what happens to Peeta, but I don’t like that being the conflict/somewhat resolution of the movie. I thought it was obvious what was happening to him after the first time he appeared, and yet the film treats it as if its a mystery. I also liked Katniss being used as a “Face” for the war, but that idea gets a lot of screentime, which kind of kicks you in the face with what the film is trying to say. There’s a lot of great ideas going on within the film, but it always ends with me saying but what if…

Dustin: I didn’t consider they could’ve just cut the second movie, but now you mention it, I believe they could have. Just like they could have cut Star Wars: Episode I since it doesn’t accomplish anything that Episode II didn’t, and I promise that’s my last Star Wars reference in this review.

Nick: Oh, and all the nicknames everyone has for each other is really annoying! Little Duck! Your sister is becoming a doctor, motherfucker! And you treat her like she’s 7!

The first part of the movie was actually the most engrossing for me, which I believe is the part you did not like. It was promising more would happen and yet nothing really came to fruition or changed. This left me very unfulfilled by film’s end or it might have been a film I enjoyed.  

Dustin: If we’d gone into this movie not knowing it was half a book made into one movie, do you think we’d be more forgiving of the pace?

Nick: I wouldn’t,but that’s because there is no conflict/resolution that actually starts within this film or ends. We say it’s rescuing Peeta, but is that really a big enough deal for one entire movie?

Dustin: I thought Katnip’s song in the middle was kind of catchy. For those who haven’t seen the movie yet, it basically plays to the tune of Pharrell Williams’s “Happy,” but replaces the word “happy” with “hungry.” (I don’t remember exactly how the song went, so I had to invent something that would sound catchy.)

Nick: That was my favorite scene as well. She is singing and everyone listens. The idea adds depth, but once again the camera does the wrong thing and does a one-shot that goes to every individual character multiple times while showing Cressida telling the cameramen what to do in that situation. Instead of going to each character for their reactions, which is very Shonen anime,  they could have had all the characters doing their own thing to the side of Katniss with a wide shot and then switch to a one-shot of the characters a couple of times. Though we do get more shots of Gale (Hemsworth) smouldering away, which we definitely needed.

Dustin: The Hunger Games - Part 3: Catching Fire - Part 1 is a decent continuation of the Hunger Games series, but suffers from “middle movie syndrome.” I should also mention it’s the second best movie featuring the talents of both Philip Seymour Hoffman and Julianne Moore.